#weird that i used another they might be giants song

[epicdogymoment]

twisting ft. @miodiodavinci's SALVADOR Auto Recovery

credits under the cut

original, instrumental by They Might Be Giants

UST, tuning, mix, art by @epicdogymoment

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Cause Somewhere In The Crowd There's You

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: Birthdays for you mean singing your heart out at the local Karaoke club. Unfortunately, your boyfriend doesn't mirror your enthusiasm. Is there any way you can convince him otherwise? This is a one-shot takes place in my Take A Chance On Me Series!

Tropes: Established Relationship, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Soft Ben/ Soldier Boy, Protective Ben/Soldier Boy

Word Count: 3.7K

Warnings: I'm going to label this 18+ because Soldier Boy (he's a warning and everyone knows it) (Honestly I don't think it's that bad), Illusions to past sex, Swearing, Mentions of Sex, Sexual Innuendo, Flirting, ABBA Music, Drinking, Teasing, Fluff, LOVE, Idiots in love and they don't care who knows it, Reader is pregnant (she doesn't drink). Ben/Soldier Boy might be a little bit OOC.

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is no use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person.

Listen While You Read: Super Trouper By ABBA - Title is taken from this song!

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Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: I loved writing that one-shot last week for Easter so much that I had to write another little something-something for Petals and Ben! Plus it's kinda my birthday tomorrow (28th) and I was feeling the birthday fic 💗 I also really wanted to make a mood board 🤣

Reader POV

"I can’t believe this is what you wanted to do for your birthday." Ben groans into his whiskey glass as he takes a long sip and flinches at the off-key rendition of 'Girls Just Want to Have Fun' coming from the tipsy group of bridesmaids with matching bright pink boas on stage. The one in the front wearing a sash that says "Bride" in sparkly letters, sways precariously on a chunky teal heel while another steadies her with a claw-like hand with nails painted in shades of lavender.

Swan Song, the karaoke club that Annie and you had been coming to since you moved to NYC, is crowded for a Monday night. The familiar smell of stale smoke and the sour smell of alcohol mists out over the crowd, and a buzz of energy crackles in the air from people who wobble and bob their heads drunkenly to the music blasting from the giant eight foot tall speakers on both sides of the stage.

The two bartenders on the opposite side of the room listen to the orders shouted from patrons that lean over the bar to yell in their ears, before they craft multicolored drinks that bubble, boil, and glimmer in the fluorescent lights from the stage that dominates the front of the room. It's bathed in purple, pink, and blue strobe lights that pulse with the beat of the upbeat tune while shimmering lights flash out over the people sitting at the wooden tables jumbled together in the small room.

Swan Song was home.

It was the bar Annie and you went to together for the first birthday you spent in NYC. You'd gotten drunk on Endless Midnight Margaritas like Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock and sang a duet to "Angel Eyes." You were still a little fresh from your breakup with your ex, and after you found out he'd started dating another girl, that song seemed the most fitting.

And although the song changed from that first night Annie and you spent bathed in the pulsating glow of the strobe lights, the bar didn't. It was still a mish-mash of macabre and glitter. The walls and tables are still draped in black lace with vases of dead flowers on each table and the signature fluorescent swan in flight hangs proudly on the wall over the bar winking and sending the shimmering white light out into the room.

Well, the roses in the vase at your table had miraculously burst forth in deep red blooms, as had most of the flowers in the room as soon as you walked by, but you loved it here. It was weird and didn't try to hide what it was. All the drinks on the menu had something to do with the finality of death. From the Dead Man's Brew to the Haunting Hemlock Hue, the owner Jaz, had worked hard to make Swan Song deliciously unique.

"We do this every year Ben! It's fun!" You laugh beside him while taking a sip of your seltzer and bobbing your head along to the music.

It was a birthday tradition to spend the night drinking bottomless midnight margaritas and belt out ABBA classics while wearing matching bell bottom jean leotards that would make Donna and the Dynamos proud. Annie, Hughie, and you had done a Mamma Mia rewatch in preparation of your birthday two nights ago while Ben sat next to you on the couch and rolled his eyes.

He still wasn't sold on the whole ABBA thing, but you were making it your life's mission to convert him.

However, this birthday was just a little bit different than the others.

Despite your age today held a lot of firsts: your first birthday with Ben and your first birthday pregnant. Which meant that your jean leotard was tighter in some places than it had been last year, and you'd had to let it out. Also, the Lime- Slaughter Seltzer was an unfortunate substitute to the margaritas, but the little one wriggling and kicking in your stomach to the beat of the music was a welcome reminder of the life Ben and you were about to start together, one that you could spend curled up with him in the house he'd bought for you.

You smooth your left hand over your swelling belly with a faint smile noticing the way your engagement ring catches in the light of the bar. The twinkle of the vintage diamond is blinding, it's the same one Ben's mother wore. As if the hormones didn't make you cry enough when Ben proposed and bought you a house, the thought that it was his mother's ring made you cry so much that Ben thought that something was wrong. But you were just so happy you couldn't hold it in.

It had been a week since you moved into the house, one of the best weeks of your life. Ben had taken it off and when Butcher had asked him why he needed a whole week to move in, Ben had told him that one day wasn't enough time to christen every room in the house. Something that had made you blush to the roots of your hair and slap Ben on his muscular arm, while he tugged you into him and roamed his hands over your body as if you weren't standing in front of Butcher.

Your fiancé was practically a neanderthal and had a one track mind, but by now you found it charming- sometimes. His inability to have a single shred of shame had lead to a few embarrassing moments that you wished you could forget, but you couldn’t help it, especially now that you were pregnant. Before it had been difficult but manageable to resist Ben's charms, but now it was impossible.

It was like there was a giant neon sign hanging above your head that spelled out "horny" in multicolored lights, the same sign that only Ben was able to see for obvious reasons. Of course it did wonders for the plants that you'd hung inside the house, the ones that always seemed to be flowering and putting out so much fruit that you'd taken to giving some to your neighbors.

It might have also been an apology for the series of incidents that had happened outside and your elderly next door neighbors had been able to hear everything. The thought of what they heard still made your face flush so hot that you were sure you could make pancakes on your skin no problem.

Now you didn't worry so much about your neighbors. After they found out that you were pregnant and Ben and you were living together, they pretty much started ignoring you. Though you had found a few pamphlets shoved through the mail slot about the dangers of pre-martial sex.

I think it's a little late for that, don't you?

But despite Ben's comments to Butcher, the team, Jake, and his new girlfriend Nora, had been more than happy to help Ben and you move into your new home.

It took three days, all of which Ben made you sit in a chair in the air conditioning with a giant bottle of water and refused to let you lift a finger to help. Each time you tried to get up, Ben would miraculously appear like he'd been summoned from the depths of the sea and would strong arm you (gently) back into the chair while you watched everyone move in your stuff. You’d complained loudly that you weren't some invalid, you were just pregnant, but Ben didn't listen.

Shocker.

You smile and lean back in your chair, watching the group of women on stage dancing along to the tune of the song. The bride has begun to wobbles again on her heel, her face turning an unnatural green color before she bolts off stage in the direction of the bathroom.

Another one bites the dust.

Annie had vanished a few moments ago to sign the two of you up for your chosen tune of the night, fighting through the crowd of people pushing and shoving to get a chance at the sign up sheet.

Honestly, Annie going up there was purely for show. The owner, Jaz,  knew the two of you by name, in fact she'd mashed your and Annie's names together and named a margarita after you when she saw how often you came in. Jaz had waved to the two of you from behind the bar when you came in, and sent over a free round of the margaritas with your namesake to your table.

You’d eyed the bluish-green drink mournfully while sucking on a seltzer and trying not to regret the night Ben and you conceived the creature wriggling around happily in your stomach like a goldfish.

Ben grabs the seat of your chair, yanking it towards him while it screeches loudly across the concrete floor. He leans closer to you, knee brushing against your thigh, and his warm breath on the curve of your ear. "I can think of something else that's fun we could be doing to celebrate your birthday."

"Like bowling?" Your lips twitch into a knowing smile, not looking away from the stage. "Because when we're done here, there's a 24/7 bowling alley that has free pizza with each round of bowling purchased and it's so-"

Ben covers your mouth with his large hand. Your eyes snap to his. The wave of arousal that comes with the contact of Ben's rough skin against the soft flesh of your lips makes the gardenia in your hair grow another two blooms, sending the sweet smell wafting out from the delicate petals.

You watch the end of his lips pull into the familiar sinful smirk that does little to stop the wave of heat that travels through your body at Ben's touch.

Truth be told the moment you told your boyfriend that Annie was throwing you a birthday party at a Karaoke bar, he'd looked at you like you had three heads. And after you explained to him that it was in fact still something that existed and that it would be fun, he had spent the entire morning trying to convince you to spend your birthday in bed with him. It was difficult to leave the house, but it was a tradition and you wanted Ben to be apart of it.

"Petals, Why would you wanna be screaming out some song lyrics when you could be screaming my name instead?” Ben purrs moving his other hand down to your hip, softly stroking one finger along your waist.

“Ben-“ You mumble into his hand with a soft sigh, squirming in the seat.

The pleasurable feeling in the pit of your stomach whenever your fiancé teased you began to stir, sending a warm tingle down your spine.

Damn it. He won't win this.

"Come on sweetheart." He rumbles, pressing a kiss to the pulse point at your neck that makes you shudder and fist your hand around his knee beneath the table. "I wasn't done giving you your birthday present when you dragged me here." His hand travels down your side to your hip, pulling you up out of your chair and into his lap. You gasp as you fall into his strong muscular body, automatically bringing your hands up to grip his shoulders in surprise. "And I'd very much like to continue what I started." Ben removes the hand around your mouth so he can kiss you languidly, rolling his tongue into your mouth.

The scratch of his stubble against your cheeks, the warm feeling of his solid body beneath you, and the gentle but firm squeeze of his hands on your hips makes you melt into his chest. Sometimes it surprised you that after all this time, kissing Ben still felt the same way. You still had the prickle of goosebumps ghost over your arms, still felt your heart heat so hot it felt like it was going to burn through flesh and sinew, and still felt like the way you had the first time Ben kissed you at Vought tower, like two worlds were colliding and everything you were was crashing and molding together with everything he was.

"I think you gave me a few today-" You breath against his lips with a smile.

The memory of the many, many presents Ben had given you since you woke up this morning made your throat tighten. Ben was generous when it came to sex anyway, but this morning he had left you breathless and unable to feel your legs for most of the day.

By now Ben was getting more comfortable with the idea that you didn't want him to spend hundreds of dollars on a gift and you just wanted to spend time with him. But that hadn't stopped him from painting the nursery when you were asleep last night. You'd been trying to find the time to paint it all week, because you wanted to try and find a crib and shelves, but each time you tried something dragged you away.

Usually Ben.

But he'd done it without complaining, which was a surprise. There was still some of the sage colored paint flecked on his forearms and hands, and there was a paint smeared t-shirt and pair of jeans on the floor of your bathroom that Ben never picked up and you might have yelled at him about before he showed you what he'd done and you forgot all about being mad.

Well… only a little.

But it was such a sweet gesture, and the perfect birthday gift.

Ben's mouth twitches again into the mischievous smirk that you love so much as his hands tighten on your waist. “You complaining?”

“No, never.” You shake your head so enthusiastically, it makes Ben chuckle low under his breath, the rumble of his laugh vibrating up where your chest is pressed against yours.

“Then why don’t we go back to the house and you can spend your birthday the way God intended, in your birthday suit.”

You roll your eyes at him, but thread your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck tugging lightly. It was getting a little bit long. Ben kept saying that he wanted to get it cut, but then never did.

Secretly you were hoping that he didn't. You liked to feel the strands fall through your fingertips when the two of you were watching a movie and Ben leaned towards you and let you gently stroke his hair while he groaned softly under his breath, or when you woke up before him in the morning and his hair fell forward into his sleeping face making him look years younger.

“Didn’t think you were religious type." You say with a smile of your own.

"Really? Huh. Guess I just like to worship you doll." Ben mumbles into your throat, sucking a mark into your neck next to the one that he left this morning.

"Ben-" His name comes out of your mouth in a breathy moan, that only makes Ben growl into your warm skin. Your fingers tighten in his hair.

Maybe I could let him win, just this once…

“Love is beautiful no?” Frenchie sighs from where he sits across the table from you throwing his arm around Kimiko and pulling her closer to his chest. She smiles as Frenchie presses a kiss into the top of her head.

“No. Not from where I’m sitting.” MM grouses from his chair across from Ben and you. His large arms are crossed over his chest, beer bottle untouched where it stands on the table, condensation pooling around the bottom.

"Me either." Hughie echoes, shifting uncomfortably.

“Lighten up mate. Could be worse. We could be watching a geriatric suck on his girlfriend's neck. Oh wait." Butcher snorts into his whiskey glass.

You aim a well placed kick at Butcher's ankle, that only makes him laugh harder.

 "What’s the worst that can happen? She gets pregnant?" Frenchie crows out a laugh at his own joke. "I think that ship has sailed."

"More like sunk." MM flexes his biceps.

Ben and him still had a long way to go before they could be friends. It was a difficult situation, but the fact that MM came tonight was progress. Maybe. There was still a lot of glaring going on, but that was to be expected and you didn't blame MM for that.

Ben narrows his eyes in MM's direction, but when he opens his mouth up to speak, you shut him up by placing a tentative kiss to the tip of his nose. Ben's gaze flashes to you, still heated, frown more pronounced.

"Ben-" You warn in a whisper.

"He started it." Ben grumbles.

"Ben." You say again, this time gently running your fingertips through the hair at the nape of his neck with a soft sigh.

"I fucking know." He rolls his eyes, but you feel his hand go protectively to your stomach. Ben's thumb strokes, once, twice, over the swelling curve more for himself than for you, but it made you smile and lean into his embrace.

Sometimes you would have what you liked to consider a "freak out" in which you'd suddenly remember that you were pregnant and engaged and also didn't know what the hell you were doing.

That last part was pretty normal for you, but the first two were not.

But it was moments like this where you were reminded that you weren't alone and Ben wasn't going anywhere. His constant watch and his constant reassuring appearance in your life proved that. You knew that he wasn’t going to leave you and you trusted him with everything you had.

You also trusted that your grandmother would show up and beat Ben into a pulp with a frying pain in a showdown that would rival the WWE if he ever, ever, broke your heart. Ben told you that when he asked her if he could marry you, she'd made a few threats that weren't worth repeating.

She'd called this morning to see if you'd gotten her gift, a hand quilted baby blanket made up in the dark greens and sage that you had chosen for your nursery. You hadn't needed to tell her what colors you were using, she'd "seen it" in her own special way.

Annie reappears, her blonde hair like a beacon in the dusky bar. "Okay we're up next. What did I miss?"

"You don't want to know." Hughie groans and sends his girlfriend a tight smile.

“Oh I think I can imagine.” Annie makes kissy noises and faces at you. “Guess they’re really trying for twins huh?”

Frenchie laughs, and this time it's enough to make MM crack a smile.

“Just because I’m pregnant  does not mean that I am incapable of making a tree full of angry squirrels chase you down the block.” You huff, pointing a finger at your best friend. “And need I mention why Ben had to call the power company last week when you two stayed over and we suddenly had to use our emergency generator?”

Hughie turns bright pink.

"Oh please. As if Hughie and I couldn't hear exactly what Ben and you were doing." She rolls her eyes.

"I don't know what you're referring to." You reply, suddenly becoming more interested in the next group of men all drunkenly singing 'Carry On My Wayward Son.'

"Don't be shy Petals." Ben replies squeezing your hips before throwing a pointed look at Hughie. "Maybe he'll learn something about making love to his girlfriend. Besides it's our house and I'm not gonna tell you to keep quiet, not when you make all those pretty sounds when I'm-"

"Ben!" You cover his mouth with your hand, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. "Remember we had the conversation about things we don't say in front of other people?"

"Yes, but I don't fucking care." Ben shrugs, gently pulling your hand from his mouth. "Nobody's gonna shame me out of fucking my girl. Not when you're always so we-"

You cover his mouth again, eyes narrowed, cheeks flushed. "Ben, please."

I'd be mad if I wasn't so damn hormonal right now.

He doesn't look ashamed, and you don't expect him to be. In fact there's a triumphant gleam in his eyes that you're sure means that he knows you secretly love it.

"There are so many things I wish I didn't know." MM mutters under his breath.

"Me too mate." Butcher grunts, slapping him on the back.

Annie only rolls her eyes at Ben and makes a gagging noise. "What do you think about our competition?" Annie jerks her thumb in the direction of the men on stage finishing up.

One of them stumbles to the right of the stage and takes a flying leap off into the crowd to body surf, but lands in a loud thud on the wooden floor.

"No contest. We've got this." You give her a thumbs up.

Despite doing this before, you were just a little bit nervous. The haze of alcohol from the margaritas usually did wonders to soothe your nerves, but all the seltzer did was exacerbate the anxiety bubbling in the pit of your stomach like a witch's cauldron.

As Jaz comes up to announce Annie and your names, you slowly rise to your feet, feeling Ben's eyes on you. Annie takes a long sip from her margarita while you poke your straw around in the bottom of your seltzer as if hoping it'll miraculously turn to wine.

But as you turn your way to the stage, Ben's hand comes out in a flash, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back to him so suddenly you don't have time to register that Ben is kissing you.

"You've got this Petals." Ben breathes before he brings you back for a searing kiss. "Make me proud sweetheart. And after you fucking knock 'em dead I'll take you home and we can celebrate your birthday the old fashioned way." His hand runs down to give your ass an encouraging squeeze.

The nerves are gone, evaporated in the subtle scratch of Ben's beard and his encouraging words vibrating through your chest, and filling you with confidence.

Other people may have believed that Ben was just a dick with no care in the world, who couldn't love or care about someone else because he only cared about himself, but not you. He was your Ben. He was yours. You knew who he was deep down, saw all the pieces of him that he'd hidden away for years, the same pieces he'd tried to hide from you when you first met because he thought that it was what he had to do. Little by little you were proving to him that you loved him anyway, that love to you meant falling for someone and loving all the darkest parts.

And it was moments like this that only reinforced what you already knew about the man you'd fallen in love, that despite all his flaws, Ben loved you. That the same parts of yourself that you'd hidden away your whole life he accepted.

And yes, maybe Ben didn’t want to spend his day off in a karaoke bar drinking fruity drinks and listening to people ruin hit songs, but if it made you happy Ben would do it, because there was not one thing he wouldn't do for you.

Annie pulls you away from him towards the stage, and you're sure that you have a ridiculous smile on your face as the beginning notes to 'Super Trouper' start to blast from the speakers, but you can't find it in yourself to care or look away from the man who has your whole heart.

And after the song, when you blow out the birthday candles on the ridiculously large birthday cake covered in iced flowers and leaves with Ben's arms wrapped tightly around your waist and his head on your shoulder, while you feel the subtle kick of Ben and your love growing in your belly, and see the glint of the ring on your finger catch in the light, you can't find yourself thinking of anything to wish for, because you already have everything. Not when somewhere in the crowd there's Ben, cheering you on, and you wouldn't trade a single second of it for anything else.

A/N: See, just something cute and happy for Petals and Ben. After everything they deserve a nice break. 🥰

As always thank you so much for reading! Reblogs, Likes, and Comments are not required but are always appreciated. I love hearing what y'all think!

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[gaykarstaagforever]

TAS "The Lorelei Signal"

Oh man. Oh my god. This is the greatest episode of Star Trek I've ever seen in my life!

Go find this and watch it before I spoil it for you. This is, unironically, one of the best Star Trek things ever. Uhura is forced to seize command of the Enterprise and shoot a bunch of blonde vampire women with a phaser. If you are in any way a TOS fan, this is everything your brain has ever wanted to see.

I'm serious. Go watch it. It's on Paramount+. I'll wait.

...Yeah? Yeah. Now let's talk about what we just witnessed.

Kirk and Co. are off in yet another mysterious region of Space, where ships keep disappearing at regular almost-30-year intervals. And despite this being the TOS era, Kirk tells us that the Federation has confirmed with both the Klingons AND Romulans that their ships have both disappeared around here, too, and they are also curious about it. Love the implication that there are political back-channels at work in this era for shared issues, despite all the open hostilities. It's one line. This is good writing.

(Kirk also calls the Federation the "Earth Federation," revealing that recurring TOS thing where they can't seem to agree on whether the Federation is the Space alliance of alien planets, the united Earth government, or both. Always love that. This franchise invented turbo-nerds noticing stuff like this. This was still early days.)

The Enterprise picks up a weird distress signal from a planet. All the men on the bridge (besides Arex, who the show often seems to forget is even here, and absolutely does in this episode) hear the signal as an alluring song in a woman's voice. Uhura and Chapel very much DO NOT, and are immediately concerned as the guys completely fall prey to whatever this is. Including Spock, who resists it better than the rest, but not enough to avoid getting captivated by it.

And you know that if even Spock is crumbling before the might of a Space siren's song, Kirk has already been sex-lobotomized by it.

He orders them to the planet and, telling Uhura to back off, takes an away team down.

They encounter a paradise, which means the usual great illustrations of a beautiful alien world.

They meet the aliens who sent the message, who are literally a race of Farrah Fawcetts in 1973 retro-future pants suits. There are clearly no men, and the women use an advanced computer to track ships in their region of Space and broadcast their signal. Instead of noticing all the red flags, Kirk, Spock and McCoy are so helplessly intoxicated by the signal and the situation that the women lure them to sleep, then put magic headbands on them. ...That they can't take off. ...That immediately begin draining their "life-energy," causing them to rapidly age.

When they finally notice this, they manage to flee the palace where they are being held, but only out into the courtyard before the women catch up. So Kirk and Spock and McCoy hide in a giant ornamental vase, that, fortunately for them, the women don't think to search.

After things settle down, Spock decides that, since he's a Vulcan, he is stronger and will live longer than the other two, so he should sacrifice himself to go back into the palace and try to get ahold of their phasers and communicators. He manages to, just before he gets caught, and tells the Enterprise to send a rescue party.

The Enterprise is currently being commanded by Scotty. But he and the other male crew members are still under the influence of the initial signal, so THIS happens:

This is simultaneously so goofy and so ominous. What a perfectly effective way to show this. TOS itself was rarely this artfully done. God, I love this.

By this point, Uhura has concluded that everyone is basically doomed unless she steps up and deals with this, so she DOES. She removes Scotty from command, and her and Chapel put together a rescue party of female (presumably straight) members of the crew. Then, in their miniskirts and armed with phasers, they head down to take care of this nonsense.

Uhura confronts the alien women and orders them to free the guys. They refuse.

So she...

Just...just look at this:

THEY SHOOT THEM. THEY JUST SHOOT ALL OF THEM.

They very specifically don't kill them, just stun them. Because you can do that in Star Trek. And should, way more often.

This might be the most effective landing party in the history of Star Trek. This is what every 12 year old who has ever yelled at their TV has been telling Starfleet personel to do since the late 60s. And Uhura does it.

I am so happy right now.

The leader of the women, immediately realizing she's dealing with actual qualified Space soldiers with guns, begs for mercy and gets their computer to show Uhura where the guys are hiding in that vase. It's been raining, so they're about to drown inside it as tired old men.

Needlessly to say, they're rescued and beamed back to the ship, where Chapel starts trying to restore them. The leader of the alien women also explains to Uhura that it's not their fault they're all She-Ra vampires. See, they were settlers, women AND men, who crash-landed on this planet hundreds of years ago. And it turned out the planet's ecosystem made men age and die rapidly. But for the women, it in fact extended their youth and lifespans. ...Sort of? But they also have a computer that uses the headband system to drain life-energy from men and channel it into the women, making them basically unaging and immortal? And I think they just found that, along with all the remains of an advanced civilization on the planet, so they didn't build any of this, they just realized they could take advantage of it? They don't go into this too much. Suffice it to say, they need to drain people (men) of life-energy once every almost-30 years, or they'll die. And since all of this also makes them infertile, they HAVE TO DO THIS, to survive.

Which strikes me as a load of bullshit. But Uhura is nicer than I am and believes them, and even decides to beam them all aboard the Enterprise, to take them to another, less weird planet, where they can finally become men's wives and have babies, as nature intended.

(Uhura doesn't say this, but the leader of the women basically does. ...Which is, honestly, the only time that this whole thing has gotten pointedly regressive about what is happening here. I give it credit for resisting the urge until the very end, at least.)

Back on the ship, Chapel's attempt to restore the guys isn't working. But Spock, who is rapidly becoming a living mummy but isn't incapacitated yet, suggests they use the transporter to re-beam everyone down and back up from the planet, restoring them to how they were when they first beamed down. Everyone acts like this is a risky thing, though I'm pretty sure TOS already did this like 3 times at this point? So they do it and it works, and everything is back to normal.

This plot is one of my favorite things in scifi, where someone takes a lame 1950s B-movie exploitation plot (in this case, sexy Space vampires kidnapping astronauts), but does it as a serious story with good character moments (specifically, here, for the women crewmembers). Uhura owns this story, and we see a side of her we have NEVER seen in any other canon story. She is suspicious and angry and dealing with things from the start, acting exactly like an officer on a starship should act. And Chapel and the other women crewmembers notice this and immediately fall in behind her. It's so goddamn good.

Can you imagine Gene Roddenberry trying to do a TOS episode where the Black lady takes control of the Enterprise and shoots a room full of blonde women on screen? They would have canceled the show then and there! And had him arrested.

I don't know if this is a 'great' episode, given how clearly trashy the core premise is. But I love it, and it's exactly the sort of thing only Star Trek can do, and do well, the way it is done here. It is thrilling and fun and satisfying, at any rate.

[vimbry-moved]

*if you've heard a couple songs but don't really know much about them, or haven't listened in a long while, you can play!

update: the highest votes went to gudetama. but was it correct? here are the full titles and albums.

❌ "put your hand inside the puppet head" - they might be giants

the opening verse makes reference to leaving one's job and how "it's sad to say, you will romanticise all the things you've known before. it was not, not, not so great". according to flansburgh, "the lyric revolves around the idea that looking back on anything colors it in sentimentality".

❌ "I'll sink manhattan" - they'll need a crane (ep)/miscellaneous T

this is a flansburgh song, but linnell explained its meaning in a 1989 interview with NME as "a song about a guy who somehow figures out how to sink the island of manhattan just to kill his ex-lover, so it's his apology to the other people he's gonna kill in between. he's just gotta do it!"

❌ "meet james ensor" - john henry

it's about james ensor (belgium's famous painter).

❌ "wicked little critta" - mink car

from the tmbg unlimited collection: "forged in the crucible of an eastern massachusetts junior high, this song expresses the dreams, fears and hopes of a new england young adult" the lyrics seem to suggest said young adult fantasising about being a sports star alongside bobby orr and john havlicek while goofing off outside.

❌ "working undercover for the man" - mink car

from flansburgh: "it's more a meditation on the "mod squad" [a 1968 crime series about cool undercover detectives] than anything else. the idea of the narc just seems... like, those episodes of "dragnet" where they have the young undercover dress in a hippie suit."

✔️ "talent is an asset" - kimono my house

the lyrics illustrate an overly-cautious family shielding their very gifted child from others, to keep him studious and soak in all the glory, and is heavily implied to be little albert einstein through puns on relatives and relativity. it's not by them, tho. it's by the band sparks. it came 2nd, so I think many of you recognised it (or really wanted to see the results!)

❌ "bee of the bird of the moth" - the else

"this is a song about a creature called a hummingbird moth, which imitates another creature, which imitates yet another creature. it's completely fucked up, and can only be explained in song!" so they did.

❌ "2082" - join us

thewrap's review of the album describes this song as, "a science-fiction short story (...) a protagonist who travels into the future, finds himself hobbled but still unhappily alive all the way into the next millennium, and travels back to the title year to smother himself with a pillow in a mercy killing". fun!

❌ "call you mom" - nanobots

referred to by linnell as an "oedipus pan" song, the lyrics follow an unfortunate young man beginning a relationship with a woman, getting dumped due to his behaviour of treating her like a mother figure, then infantilising a possibly younger woman in a different relationship and in turn leaving her, who goes on to experience the same issues. fun! (altho, the final chorus actually still refers to her Mom leaving, not her dad, I got the details wrong there in the poll).

❌ "gudetama's busy days" - dial-a-song / my murdered remains

yes, that's a real song. quote flansburgh: "(...) it is really just about feeling isolated from the world, even if you are in a crowded place and manically trying to keep up with your life. the character of gudetama appealed to me because he is such a mopey sad sack."

❌ "marty beller mask" - album raises new and troubling questions

this is real, too! it's just about how marty beller was actually an alter ego of whitney houston the whole time. he's not, but wouldn't that be interesting. the song name-checks multiple of her own in the lyrics. it was temporarily retired out of respect following houston's death (4 months after its release), returning to live performances ten years later in 2022.

[aweebshitdrawings]

TGS x Gravity falls

Okay so here’s what I got so far

Characters:

Ford is P.T Barnum

Stan is Phillip Carlyle

Fiddleford is Charity Barnum

Darlene is Anne Wheeler(Zendya)

Wendy’s mom is bearded lady (might change this)

Bill is Jenny Lind

And all the other people in the circus are played by cryptids

So this is how I have the story going so far

Stan and Ford grew up in a wealthy household and ford was always seen as the lesser twin cause of his interest in strange things and his extra finger, one day the boys meet Fiddleford after getting out of another boring adult party.

Fiddleford isn’t part of a wealthy family like the twins but he’s not poor ether as his father is well known in the wealthy households for his invention . The boys become instantly attached and become great friends , where ford also shares his dream of making a place for weirdos like himself and finding other like him. Later on ford at the age of 17 ford realized that he had feeling for fidds and they both ended up running away, ford leaving Stan alone.

Stan later leaves his family to start his own business and it becomes very successful.

While ford and fidds are struggling to make ends meet as well as doing researching strange things all leading up to them finding gravity falls.

Ford and Fidds are in there late 20s at this point

When ford finds the crypts and other “strange” people of gravity, he feels at home for the first time sense he meet Fidds, he wants to make a place for them (that isn’t just a cabin in the woods) but doesn’t have the money to do it.

Then the idea of circus

Fidds makes machines at which the world has never seen and ford helps give the Cryptid and other people confidence to show “normal” people who they are and the amazing wonders of being weird. (It also might serve to finally get the recognition his so desperately craves)

So the show becomes a huge success but ford is still looking for investors and at one show he sees…. Stan!?

After the show he offers Stan a drink and much to ford surprise he accepts. Words are said before they eventually sing Other Side. Leading to Stan meeting Darlene and thought the wider legs might turn some people off Stan is anything but.

At some point Ford is invited to a fancy party with a singer who wants him to travel with him as she goes on tour. And it’s none other than Billy Cipher.

Ford is infatuated…heart stops with her songs

Ford not only gets more recognition but has someone while strange is treated normal by high society, it’s all he’s ever wanted.., right?

Without Ford, Stan is having a hard time managing the show and the harassment of Darlene and him gets worse as even though she isn’t in her spider form outside the tent people recognize and shame her. Stan try’s his best to not care but one slip up makes things harder for there relationship.

Fidds and ford aren’t doing to well wether as Fidds thinks Ford is going to leave them and he thinks Ford has forgotten what his dream no there dream was in the first place

When ford finally dose return ( thou billy did beg him to stay) his home.., his circus is burned down because of the harassers, with Stan injured in the process. (Yes Stan get branded canon even sorry lol)

Ford realizes that his dream was never to be seen as normal but to embrace his weirdness and make sure other see it and to give people like him a home.

Ford sees and rekindles with Fidds vowing to stay with him and never let his ego get to him again,and Stan says he has some saving he buried somewhere that they can use to pick the circus up again.

With that Ford and Stan become the ring leader, manly doing switching acts until they both come out to the surprise of the audience and fidds coming out with giant mechanical things the world has never seen before( yes there is still fire just not as much cause of the incident)

Stan and Darlene work out that they don’t care who sees them and even have fun acts they do together, Darlene even helps Stan get over his fear of highs.

The twins run the circus until they find and pick up a pair of twin that have been abandoned (Mable and Dipper) and train them to be the next ring leader of The Greatest and Oddest Show!

 

[noddytheornithopod]

oh my god oh my god oh my god more pnf rough animation teases

first, the video i'm seeing these from... hope it lasts, anyway let's see what we have

Farmer and his wife return. Tag implies it's More than an Intern.

Forced perspective western town? Looks neat. Isabella posing for the camera, Candace telling them to hold it, all very nice nice. Tag says "520", and if Intern was 510, this is probably 510b (or maybe 11a cuz as you'll see Meap Me in St Louis throws a wrench in things, aka maaaaaybe we're not seeing this ep in June). Yay, maths! Also they did a western style town in She's the Mayor, will that be referenced or is this all coincidence?

Doof running exercise? Maybe to power an inator? Hard to read what ep this is, most I can make out is "Doofexercise". 532 if it's the episode number implies it's probably towards the end of the season though (probably 516b/17a).

Buford with some pool? Ep 535 (516a). The setting and uh lack of clothing makes me wonder if it's the ep he goes out into nature, lol.

GIANT MOM CLOUD. And yeah, it's definitely Cloudy with a Chance of Mom, based on ep number and stuff we've seen before. I do have a theory about how this ep could go, I might talk about it sometime. Short version is: either PnF are intentionally doing this, or they take advantage of this, they do it because they WANT to show their mum.

Also from that episode, some "wind con"? Probably a throwaway gag. Candace seems to have a line cut off. Also, "vacuum con sucked", ha.

Candace from License to Bust with her driving instructor. Love the awkwardness here, it's hilarious.

Episode 505 (3b, Dry Another day), chilling in a pool? Also scene from the same ep with Candace dressed for cold weather and lots of weird water park looking stuff? I did see the submarine sandwich submarine labelled as from this episode but this doesn't seem to line up, maybe that was a mistake and Appetite for Adventure (502a) or something. Candace insists the time is important and brings Linda to watch the news. The clothes also makes me wonder if it's the ep with the song about all the seasons at once, cuz I recall that being a thing.

More than an Intern Clip (505b). So uh... is Carl okay? Did he quit being an OWCA intern, and is trying to do paid jobs? Or both at once? Either way, he seems very clearly worked up over being an OWCA intern.

Lord of the Firesides content, aka one of the eps I'm most eager to see... seems like a rough time for the Fireside Girls. Isabella seems struggling and suggests holding hands and singing a jovial song. Meanwhile, scene of Ginger going insane working on red velvet cupcakes, insisting she loves the taste while clearly being out of it. Why red velvet? It says so in the background. This does kinda feed into some ideas I've had for the ep before, but I'll keep it brief for here. Basically, it's an ep where the other Fireside Girls get sick of Isabella's shit. The red velvet thing is what really made me think of it.

Doof questioning Diminutive's death traps, wondering if LOVEMUFFIN it too evil... also, hippos instead of sharks. 513 - 7a = Agent T for Teen? Tho label says Agent A sequence.

Some of that Candace Suit song that leaked. Noticed it says 514 (aka 7b vs 8a), so IDK if some eps got shuffled around or what. Also a bit with Doof and an inator on his head in Perry's car.

Perry with specialised hats, a haberdasher and... creepy moth Doof? The Haberdasher, obviously (tho along with last ep, it's 515 aka 508a, so IDK what's the order here now). Also call me crazy, but is Alan Cumming the Haberdasher? Sounded a bit like him, even looks a bit like him. Maybe the upcoming Doctor Who ep is making me see things and connecting it to the time Swampy posted about him. Also with him talking about wanting to do this idea AND creepy moth Doof... I'm calling it, this is a Joshua Pruett episode. Also, shot of inator hitting satellite ready to hit some poor soul and Perry flying. Think Doof is probably thinking of using moths to eat the hats, maybe turning the Haberdasher into a mothman (will the cryptid be mentioned lol), but instead the inator hits Doof?

Candace mentions Bango Ru, and 517-A suggests it's Meap Me in St Louis (which may affect other numberings I've speculated on). Makes sense, not just cuz Bango Ru came in in the OG Meap but also the St Louis teaser has the Meap and Suzy fight in what seems like a Bango Ru convention (huh, wonder if it's a yearly thing?).

520, southern accented Doof looking weird with Perry. Same ep as the forced perspective western town. Feel like there should be a correlation here but IDK what.

532 scene again, Doof selling the exercise thing and saying it's free. Totally not an evil plan, guys.

Doof surrounded by sheep and complaining about losing sales. Ep 533, so towards the end of the season.

The scene from Biblio-Blast that was shown earlier. Still very funny.

Soooooo yeah, that's everything I caught and can infer based on other stuff we know. Looking pretty good here, now even more eager to see the episodes!

[marshvlovestv]

In honor of me having so much video game music downloaded on my phone that I ran out of storage and had to buy a new phone. My favorite track from each video game OST I have!

Bastion: Brusher Patrol (Such a bizarre clash of styles, I can't help but love this one. Shout-out to the part that sounds like Darren quietly scatting in the background.) (Also special shout-out to Build That Wall, probably my favorite vocal track in any Supergiant game)

Celeste: Scattered and Lost (I am such a normie for this choice but face it this track absolutely slaps.)

Chicory: A Colorful Tale: Song of the Wielders (I love how this song has actual lyrics but I still prefer to sing along with the Simlish version that Pizza and Chicory sing.)

The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood: Illusion (First of all I love how every character in this game has their own theme I go feral for that kind of thing. Kurielle is probably one of the characters who stood out to me the least but by god is her theme gorgeous. I love the vocals and how a later track includes a sneaky reprise.)

Cuphead: Dramatic Fanatic (Tap dancing :D)

There are literally thirty of these so I'm doing a read more

Death's Door: The Grey Crow (A heartbreaking boss fight scored with the appropriate amount of anguish)

Deltarune: Cyber Battle (This melody is so underrated and ya know what, so are the characters associated with it. Sweet Cap'n Cakes forever.)

Elsinore: Donne, The Boat Boy (I love this song because it's associated with Lady Guildenstern, aka the best character in gaming full stop, but it's also just a fun little sea shanty that I think they made up for this game so I love that. Also has a lyrical version.)

Evergate: Police (Okay so the level with the police drones is one of the more frustrating ones in the game but the music is hauntingly beautiful so I give it a pass)

Going Under: trust fall (Marv is easily one of the most hateable video game antagonists of all time but damn if his boss theme doesn't slap)

Hades: Last Words (The rolling and the tolling of the bells bells bells bells bells)

Harmony: The Fall of Reverie: Reverie Ascendant (Lena Raine does these medley tracks so good man)

Hollow Knight: Dung Defender (By far the catchiest song about poop on my entire phone)

Ikenfell: Rose Thorns (So the insanely long final boss fight against Oxley overshadowed Aeldra's boss fight in my memory for a long time, but when I watched another playthrough and bought the OST I realized "Oh her theme bops SO much harder than his ever could")

Inscryption: A Final Duel (A hardcore remix of The Scrybe of Magicks, aka one of the only melodic tracks on the album and therefore the one every YouTube video about Inscryption uses in the background. I prefer the epic version just a bit more because honestly that Magnificus setpiece is the best moment in the game)

Jimmy and the Pulsating Mass: Fun, Sunny Day (A fun and silly track as the title suggests, elevated even more by the context in which it plays in the game. The area music alternates between this and the more somber Rainy Sunday to illustrate that Jimmy mother is bipolar [very cute and silly game])

Omori: Bready Steady Go (Like the absolute dipshit I am I actually completely missed the optional Orange Oasis when I played this game myself. Every Let's Player finds it somehow, though, and when they fight the Unbread Twins I invariably stand up and dance along to the boss music.)

One Step from Eden: Perpetual Motion (It's just a good-ass track y'all)

Ori and the Blind Forest: Conundrum (In a soundtrack of sweeping orchestral pieces, this more subdued version of theme that only plays during one small puzzle section might seem a weird choice. But I've always really liked it)

Ori and the Will of the Wisps: Kwolok's Malaise (Kwolok's leitmotif is perfect for a giant frog and the boss remix takes it to it's logical conclusion)

Paradise Killer: Go! Go! Style (This track makes me feel like I'm having a sugar rush. The whole OST does actually but this one especially)

Pyre: Path to Glory (It's just got a really unique vibe to it. I like it)

Scarlet Hollow: Avery (Chill and really beautiful. Avery themself is kind of a sleeper character at this point but I can't wait for Brandon to remix their theme when they get assimilated into a giant plant monster)

Slay the Princess: The Princess (Okay full disclosure I've only played this game once so I don't have the full context for a lot of the tracks on this OST. Maybe hearing them alongside their respective princesses will make me like them more, but for now the title theme is too iconic to beat.)

Sounds of Sympathy (the OST for the game anthology Essays on Empathy): Zen and the Art of Transhumanism (In the Essays on Empathy documentary, fingerspit talked about how she prefers writing obscenely long tracks so the loop doesn't get annoying. Unfortunately for her my favorite track on this album is only three minutes long. It's a lovely little bop.)

Spiritfarer: Mind Palace (I played Spiritfarer before any of the character updates were released, so I didn't get Daria's mind palace sequences in my game. And I mean, they look very platforming-heavy so I'm okay with that, but god this is a gorgeous piece.)

Transistor: Impossible (I think this is Royce Bracket's boss theme? I don't know when any of the tracks on this OST specifically play in game. Regardless of all that this one gets me pumped.)

Unavowed: One Man's Power (I couldn't find a video of this one, but it's gentle saxophone solo that plays when Logan Brown is introduced. I think it fits is character really well and just sounds really nice)

Undertale: Death by Glamour (Best song for best character, enough said)

Wandersong: Moonscape (God knows this game gave me a lot of great options to pick from, but I settled on this one because it's so uplifting.)

[bracketsoffear]

Buried Music Playlist

The full list of submissions for the Buried Music bracket. Bold titles are ones which were accepted to appear in the bracket.

A Burial Of Dreams, DECEITS Ain't No Rest for the Wicked, Cage the Elephant Another Brick in the Wall, Pink Floyd Another One Rides the Bus, Weird Al Yankovic

Back to the Cave, Colonel Suns Beneath the Brine, The Family Crest Bernadette, IAMX Blossom, RØRY Blue Sky Mine, Midnight Oil Buried Alive, Avenged Sevenfold Buried Alive, Creature Feature Bury, King Woman Bury Me Alive, Breaking Benjamin Bury Us Alive, STRFKR

Carry That Weight, The Beatles Choke, I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME Choke, The Soft Moon Concrete, Poppy

Dark as a Dungeon, Tennessee Ernie Ford Debt Collector, Jhariah Dig, Mudvayne Dig Me, King Crimson Dig Me Out, Sleater-Kinney Diggy Diggy Hole, Yogscast Down in a Hole, Alice in Chains

Encased in Concrete, Cannibal Corpse

Fuck You, I'm Going Underground, Grand Commander

Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In, Will Wood and the Tapeworms

I Earn My Life, Lemon Demon I Know It's Over, The Smiths

Labour, Paris Paloma Lake Pontchartrain, Ludo Like Real People Do, Hozier

Murky, Saint Mesa My Boy Builds Coffins, Florence + the Machine

New York Mining Disaster 1941, The Bee Gees

One Last Breath, Creed One Of Our Submarines, Thomas Dolby

Pearl Diver, Mitski Please Don't Bury Me, John Prine Pressure, Billy Joel Pressure, Muse Pressure, Until The Ribbon Breaks Purity, Slipknot

Ralphy's Cut, Desaparecidos Rat Trap, The Boomtown Rats Ribcage, Snow Ghosts

Six Foot Deep, Creature Feature Sixteen Tons, Tennessee Ernie Ford Springhill Mine Disaster, Socalled Stress, Jim’s Big Ego Surface Pressure, Jessica Darrow

The Chemical Workers' Song, Traditional, Great Big Sea The Chokey Chant, Original Broadway Cast Of Matilda The Musical The Coast, PUP The Dirt Whispered, Rise Against The Fine Print, The Stupendium The Garden, The Crane Wives The Mass of the Earth, The Agonist The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, Gordon Lightfoot

Ulysses Dies at Dawn (full album), The Mechanisms Under Pressure, David Bowie and Queen Underground, Tom Waits Underwater Woman, They Might Be Giants

Way Down Hadestown (Reprise), Hadestown Weigh Me Down, LORN When The Levee Breaks, Led Zeppelin Why We Build The Wall, Hadestown Work Song, Hozier

You’re Always Welcome at Our HouseShel Silverstein

[thelampisaflashlight]

The ghouls, but it's how I currently headcanon their personalities. Below the cut.

Aether: Overall, he's a giant goofball and loves a good night out with friends.

People tend to assign him a very "fatherly" role due to his appearance and his tendency to take care of his friends in little ways, but he certainly doesn't see that as strictly something a father, or any sort of guardian, would do.

Friends can take care of their friends and not be their parent!

That being said, if someone called him the "mom friend" he would wear it as a badge of honor, because that means his friends trust him.

Dewdrop: Comes off as a bit of a grump, though in an endearing sort of way.

Despite putting up a wall in front of others, when he's with his friends, he smiles easily and more often than he realizes. Very expressive when he's not trying to hide his emotions, and is known to be a bit of a crier when he's happy.

He's very used to people judging him based off of his appearance, for better or worse, so instead of dwelling on what others might think, he just does whatever he pleases.

Short hair, long hair, skirts, pants, dresses... The world is his oyster and he's here to tell people to "shuck" it.

Cumulus: Very independent and knows what she wants in life, actually getting it is another matter entirely.

She has a lot of interests and hobbies that she doesn't talk about a lot, because 1.) She's afraid people will judge her for them, and 2.) Sometimes enjoying something alone is the best way to experience it.

Due her her looks, she often finds herself being burdened with the problems of strangers who see her as easy to talk to/approachable, but this has lead to her learning a lot of... unfortunate/uncomfortable things about people she either just met or barely knows at all.

Although she's always happy to provide a listening ear to a person in need, she'd really rather just be able to eat her lunch in peace, thank you very much.

Sunshine: As curious and creative as the day is long.

She's always working on something new, be it music, art, or some other sort of craft, she's always got something in her hands... because, truthfully, she wouldn't know what to do with herself otherwise.

A very active, social creature, who feels the most alive around others, and when she's not? Well, that's why she has all those hobbies to keep her busy!

She has some self worth issues, and, if left alone for too long, will question whether or not she has value when she's not entertaining others.

A classic case of "Please check in on your funny friends." if there ever was one.

Swiss: Like if the weird uncle met another weird uncle and they got together and had a baby.

He's a charismatic sort who could light up a room with his smile alone... if only because they're so shiny. He's strange in cryptid sort of way, and, worse yet, he knows it.

Bold and adventurous, he's the sort that loves to take the lead, not for the fame or the glory, no. It's more so because he lives life by the rules of that one Cyndi Lauper song.

Ghouls just want to have fun, ya know?

However, in spite of this, he's not an extrovert. If anything, he's an introvert that's a bit too good at masking how much he's rather be at home right now. Ehn. C'est la vie.

Rain: Quiet, but not shy, no, and many a person has learned that the hard way.

Very fond of presenting himself as a demure, delicate gentlemanly sort, but he very much knows what he's doing when he's looking at you through his eyelashes and playing coy.

Still, there are times when his softer side is genuine, but that version of himself, the one that snorts when he laughs and gives the biggest, brightest smiles, is reserved for his friends.

He needs a lot of alone time, and it's clear when he hasn't gotten nearly enough.

When he's overwhelmed, he can be a bit abrasive, but he's always very open about when he's having a bad day or needs his space, so there's that at least.

Cirrus: The friend you go to when you've done something you don't want anyone else to know about, that helps you without asking too many questions.

The true ride or die.

A very blunt person who tells it like it is and doesn't sugarcoat things, even if a bit more tact would be appreciated.

She has a very broad sense of humor, and laughs easily at even the simplest of jokes, but, hey, farts are funny, okay?

Tends to be a bit bad at physically comforting others, and isn't sure how to initiate hugs.

Mountain: A lot of people see him as the calm, tranquil one, but he's also incredibly stubborn and uses beating the shit out of his drums as a healthy means of dealing with years of pent up frustrations and anger.

That's not to say he's always angry, but he does have a temper, and while he manages it well, he has been known to snap when pushed too far.

Very particular about who can be around him when he's having "quiet time" as some people have very different ideas of what that means.

Secretly thrives in chaos, and, because of this, is the perfect person to ask for help when shit has hit the fan.

Needs a nap, like, yesterday.

Aeon: Bright eyed and bushy tailed, and oh so ready to tear some shit up! But, also, like, only if that's okay? Please tell him it's okay.

No, really, he needs to be explicitly told he's allowed to do it.

He's confident in his skills as a musician, and he's not too worried about how he fits into the band, but socially? To be honest, he's not sure if he's doing anything right.

Has a bit of, "HEY, MOM! MOM! LOOK WHAT I'M DOING!" energy, but that's to be expected.

Not really a personality trait, but he can't say the word "macaroni" right.

Aurora: Like if the playlist you made when you were fourteen came back to haunt you as an adult, but in a good way?

She's so full of confidence and wonder, it's hard to believe that she can be so happy with everything going on in the world.

"Never a bad day." she'll say, even if the rain ruined her picnic, or someone's been mean to her.

Never a bad day.

Someone should really tell her it's okay to admit when something is wrong before squashing it all down causes her to break.

[virgil-my-emo-son]

One Business Card Lighter

Dukeceit Week Day 4, Hair/Teeth!

Dukeceit week is run by @imnotgrimimjustagrumpyreaper ! @dukeceitweek @dukeceit-week-2024

I feel like I kind of cheated with the prompt... this is a punk singer Remus x comp sci professor Janus fic LOL. I'm so happy with this AU and honestly I might expand on it in the future. I've been working on a giant paper about punk fashion history so I tried to get the punk stuff as accurate as possible! Listened to a lot of Sex Pistols during the writing of this fic!

Also there's a fnaf reference in here if anyone's a fnaf fan 👀

Enjoy!!

Ao3

Janus stood awkwardly at the back of the room, holding his old fashioned in one hand, the other fiddling idly with the twist of orange zest in the glass. His eyes, however, were undistracted, glued to the small stage at the front of the bar.

He came to Junior’s for their jazz nights on Thursdays. He knew all of the hits that the bands usually played, and he was always interested to hear their original work. Sometimes it made Janus question why the artist had picked up music in the first place, and sometimes it made him wonder why the hell they were playing in a tiny little bar in the middle of the city instead of in the stadium just across the river.

Janus was used to Thursday nights. He liked Thursday nights.

But tonight was a Friday, and Janus had never been to Junior’s on a Friday.

For one thing, it was far more crowded than he was used to, mostly college students who were either freshly 21 or had good-enough fake IDs. Janus stayed at the back of the room, leaning against the wall and sipping on his drink, taking his eyes off the stage for a moment to scan the crowd. It would be a little awkward running into one of his freshmen from Computer Science 170 at a bar.

Janus only taught one 100-level class this semester, so it was a little less likely he’d run into those students than the juniors and seniors from his software engineering courses. Those students might be legally allowed in Junior’s, but it wouldn’t make an interaction any less uncomfortable.

Janus looked back at the stage. For another thing, Fridays were not jazz nights.

Fridays were punk nights.

The band onstage was… the best word Janus could think of was outrageous. He didn’t mean it negatively, but there was no denying they were provocative.

The drummer and bassist both had long hair. The drummer’s was pulled back, revealing a sleeveless shirt covered in strategic rips and tears, while the bassist’s fell in dark curtains over his white T-shirt that Janus was pretty sure had an upside-down crucifix. The guitarist’s hair was spiked to heaven, and he wore a jacket covered with enough patches and pins that Janus couldn’t tell what the original fabric was, with a T-shirt beneath reading FUCK OFF.

But what really caught his attention was the singer.

He was short, but the presence with which he commanded the stage made him seem seven feet tall. He marched around the stage in beat up work boots and dark, ripped jeans. A few tears near his thigh were patched with safety pins, affixing them to a grey Sex Pistols T-shirt with the eyes of each of the band’s members scribbled out. His hair was a calico dye job of orange, a weird orangey blond Janus could only assume was the result of an attempt to bleach the orange out, and dark brunette in spots he’d missed with both the orange and the bleach.

He was striking, and Janus found himself unable to stop watching his tongue as he rolled the “r” in “antichrist” during a jerky rendition of “Anarchy in the UK.”

Suddenly, the singer looked up, making direct eye contact with Janus. He winked—Janus could’ve sworn directly at him—as he sang, “Don’t know what I want, but I know how to get it!”

Janus suddenly couldn’t look at him any longer, a blush heating up his face. He took a fortifying sip of his alcohol.

Janus stayed for the rest of the set, despite not knowing a single one of the songs they played or even whether they were covers or originals. The fact that he recognized “Anarchy in the UK” was only because of his friend Virgil’s high school punk phase, and even that was a small miracle.

That singer…

“Thank you for coming out tonight!” He yelled over the drummer doing a long roll on the snare. “My name is Remus and we’re Hair and Teeth and fuck the IRS and fuck the military and fuck you all!” He kicked his foot up as the drum roll concluded with a smash on the cymbal.

The crowd went crazy, cheering and clapping and yelling stuff Janus couldn’t quite make out. The band walked offstage, and Janus was sure he locked eyes with Remus as he threw a kiss over his shoulder and disappeared into the back room.

The bar began to empty out as the evening got later and later, and Janus found himself sitting on one of the barstools, chatting with the bartender. It wasn’t the usual Thursday bartender, rather, a man in a red satin shirt with a loud laugh. He was fun to talk to, but all Janus could think about was Remus.

“Say, do you know the band just playing?” Janus set down his glass, leaning a bit on the bar. He’d moved on from his cocktail to a series of low proof beers. His small house was within walking distance of Junior’s, but despite his high tolerance for alcohol, he didn’t want to get too drunk.

“I do.” The bartender smiled. “I know them very well.”

“In what sense?”

The bartender indicated his head at something over Janus’s shoulder. “My brother.”

Janus looked behind him to see the singer, Remus, walking up to the bar.

His chest leapt.

“Can I have something on the house?” Remus stood by the bar, leaning on it with his forearms.

“No.” The bartender raised a judgmental eyebrow. “What makes you think I’d do that?”

“I’m your baby brother, Roman! You love me!”

Roman rolled his eyes. “No free drinks.”

Remus turned to Janus. “He’s so annoying.” His eyes raked up and down Janus, and he desperately wished he’d taken the time to change into something other than the pinstriped button-up shirt and plaid slacks he’d taught in. “Are you going to a wedding?”

Janus blinked. “Pardon?”

“You’re dressed all fancy.” Remus gestured to his outfit.

“No wedding, I’m afraid. Came from work.”

“What’s work?” Remus’s head tilted. “Office job? You The Man we hated on for an hour during our set?”

Janus gave a short laugh. “Not really. I’m a professor at Sanders University, computer science.”

Remus mimed a yawn. “Computer science? Boring.”

“And you’re a musician full-time, I assume?” Janus gave him a quick once-over. “You look the part, Remus.”

“Thank you, I am!” Remus winked. “You already know my name, so what’s yours, handsome?”

“Stop flirting in front of me right now.” Roman interjected, pointing a finger at Remus. “I don’t need to hear this. Out.” His finger moved to the door.

“Fine.” Remus moved his hand to hover over Janus’s. “Can I take your hand, handsome?”

“Depends. Where are you taking it?” A grin twitched at Janus’s mouth.

“Out of this bar!” Roman called over his shoulder.

“Yes.” Janus looked back to Remus, smiling in earnest.

A twinkle in his eye, Remus grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door of Junior’s. The street outside was busy, one of the main roads in town, and the glow from the streetlamps and signs of other bars, restaurants, and shops lit everything up.

Remus leaned against the wall. “So, come here often?”

Janus laughed. “Yes, every Thursday, actually. They have good jazz.”

“Jazz? Yeah, you’d like jazz.” Remus nodded.

“Whatever does that mean?”

“You just look like you’d listen to jazz music.” Remus nodded to his whole figure. “So, then, why’d you come tonight?”

“I just had a… a feeling I should.” Janus looked down. “I think I made the right decision, though.”

“So do I, handsome. I never got your name.” Remus tilted his head again.

“Janus.”

“Last name?”

“Constance.”

“Janus Constance?”

“Janus Constance.”

“Mm.” Remus hummed. “Interesting.”

Janus fumbled in his pocket for a moment. “I should be going, but I… here’s my card. Call me.” He held out a business card.

“A business card at the bar is hilarious.” Remus took it. “You’re definitely a professor.”

“Did you think I was lying?”

“Well, now I know for sure.”

“Mm.” Janus was amused.

“I’ll call you.” Remus’s eyes twinkled. “Professor Constance.”

“Please.” Janus rolled his eyes. “It’s Janus.”

“Alright, Janus. I’ll call you.” Remus took Janus’s hand again and held it up to his mouth, giving it a short kiss before winking again and walking away. Janus was left blushing on the sidewalk, one business card lighter.

[redstringraven]

For Cassia: 3, 8, 11! And for Nyxram: 1, 6, 11!

<:D!! AAAAA thank you so much!

Secret Ask List

-------------------- .: • CASSIA --------------------

3) what song describes your oc?

cassia is one of those ocs where the music i find for her playlist is almost all vibes and not really based on lyrics. it's the energy of the music, the way it makes you wanna move or bob or sing along. that being said: "rage" by hyper crush and "joyride" by kesha immediately make me think of her. lyrically, "i love it" by icona pop might be a good fit.

8) what hobbies does your oc have? what do they do to unwind?

cassia's major hobby is rollerskating! but she's also super into street art, and she enjoys beautifying her favorite areas of new york in a manner of silly or meaningful ways. when she's at home, she also enjoys random doodling--mostly ideas for graffiti or future street art--learning dances from her favorite music videos, and playing a variety of video games.

11) what was your inspiration for your oc?

i distinctly remember driving to my local movie trading company to see if they had any physical dvds for tmnt'03, and "girlfriend" by avril lavigne came on spotify shuffle. for whatever reason, i got the image of a pink-haired girl in rollerskates, and she wouldn't leave my head. cassia's my first tmnt oc, and i think she was always meant to be kind of like april in that she's a grounding presence in their otherwise chaotic lives. despite how high-energy and mischievous she is, she's extremely stable and does regularly go to therapy, which has made her more thoughtful and aware of others along with herself. her biggest conflicts come from being an out trans-girl in the 90s and early 2000s, but none of it is tied to her immediate family (her parents ADORE her). she is, for the most part, about as ''''average'''' a civilian in the tmnt'03 world as you can get. i dunno! i think i kind of just wanted to give them all another anchor of sorts, another safe haven. cassia's parents, oliver and esme, also become guardian figures to the turtles in a sense (especially mikey). esme loves to mother them.

-------------------- .: • NYXRAM ----------------------------

1) does your oc have a voice claim, if so who?

god yes. nyx's voice claim is shohreh aghdashloo. the moment i heard her as enforcer grayson in arcane, i pointed at the screen and muttered: "you". as someone who's very picky about these sorts of things i seriously feel like it was gift-wrapped to me. >xD shohreh also provides the voice for the dragon in damsel, which is a dumb as hell movie but i will continue to listen to it for the sake of hearing her talk.

6) if your oc is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day?

kind of a weird question, since 'modern day' implies that this is more a difference in time period? e-e;; i imagine she'd likely still have assassin roots, but. after the rebellion succeeds, the republic begins to rebuild, and the games are disbanded, nyxram takes it upon herself to use her family's "estate" as a sanctuary for the animals used in the games, since most of them can't be returned to their natural habitats due to injuries and/or being raised in captivity. so! i think a potential "modern day" or "human" profession for her might be owning and managing something like an old friends senior dogs sanctuary. providing housing, love, and comfort for older animals when most folks want younger pets, and ensuring that their last few years are happy and safe. she's taken so much life, so... it feels like giving back, in a way.

11) what was your inspiration for your oc?

@/plantdonut doesn't live with me (alas), but if she did, i would have turned to her during our '03 rewatch a few years ago and asked, bluntly, "why do all the triceratons gotta be dudes? where're my giant, amazon warrior dinosaurs?". and within a few days, i was practicing my hand at drawing triceratons, so i could make it so. my two major points of inspiration for nyx come from cassandra cain (2nd batgirl, pre-new52) and john wick. cassandra for being... basically born and bred to be the perfect assassin, only to have 'too much' compassion and love and guilt and go hero instead, and john wick for being a 'baba yaga' to anyone who knows his name. not the boogeyman, but the one you send to kill the boogeyman. the idea of a triceraton assassin was very cool to me, given that they're often a straight-forward, loud, and blunt force to face with little concern for being subtle. it also draws an interesting connection to her and the turtles; at some point nyx comments that despite their practice being tied to assassins such as herself, any blood on their hands comes from self-defense. in some ways, she envies them. but in many more, she doesn't. she's the sole survivor of her clutch, and the only one of her siblings to 'earn' a name. she was, in a way, a political move--a gift/tool offered to the prime leader to ensure that her parents had a connection to power and could continue their own work with protection from punishment. ...they just didn't expect for her to want something else. since the triceratons seem to have a handful of 'nods' and aesthetics pointing toward the roman empire, i named nyxram after the greek goddess 'nyx', the personification and substance of night. i also specifically use greek spelling with her, whereas her parents will have roman spelling of their names to further emphasize her 'otherness' from triceraton society as a whole.

[softbeebee]

Take A Chance

(Ellie Williams) (tlou2) (Fluff) |

Notes : Not proof read, but this is first time writing a full-on fanfic, use of y/n, or you meaning reader. I would love to hear some feedback about this as well, I love finding ways to improve my writing 😊

Ellie couldn't keep her eye off you each time she entered the little cosy grocery store you worked out. She worries she might be caught staring at you and sure has come close to nearly being caught, entering the store the occasional bustling crowds promptly coming through as she shifts her way through to find some products she needed. Ellie feels embarrassed, unable to speak a word to you unless you start raving with a mixture of shyness and confidence that stirs in the air as she spots you. Casually talking away, helping out another Jackson citizen which Ellie tries to causally stand around.

Today, having finally built up the ox of courage to be able to ask you out, you and Ellie's conversation having picked up these last few times, she popped in. Her emerald pool eyes glances around and wonders what to do, awaiting you are no longer kindly helping out the customer with which as soon as you are, she swoops over.

"Hey you, kind enough to uh help me out?" She nervously laughs, sighing as she anxiously runs her fingers through her hair half down. You stare at her, that glimmering smile across your face. "Of course, Ellie - what are you looking for?" You curiously ask, eyes glazing over the masculine nerves of a woman standing next to you. Ellie racks her brain, pausing hesitantly. "Soup?"

You weren't sure if she really needed soup yet, but you wouldn't ask any further, taking her to the section with the small selection of varying flavours of soup. "So how have you been?" Ellie attempts and fails to start any type of small talk, sighing under her breath as she sticks her sweaty palms inside of her jean pockets. "Good, had some time off and got to relax, so getting used to coming back after those days off." You smoothly reply, eyes meeting hers for a brief moment before her eyes dash away to glance at the ground.

"Sounds great then....." The most awkward small talk you could think stands there and seems unable to get any words out. You feel that tensions the jolting tensions which have between you two for however long. "How are you doing?" You ask, checking in since she knows Ellie's situation with her old man, Joel hasn't been any easier recently. "Surviving, good where I can though I learnt some new songs recently." Ellie nodded her head in a calm manner as she spoke, close to spitting it out.

Quietness between you two, thankfully not awkward silence, which would have made the auburn haired girl rush out and drop the idea entirely. Ellie can't give in, refusing to. "Sounds nice, maybe we could spend some time together and you can show me what you learnt."

Once more nodding as Ellie squeezed her hands in her jeans in hopes it releases stress and the back seated anxiety from her body. She didn't want to scare you off or weird you out, Ellie knew her reputation follows her due to duel minded people in Jackson who rumored about her ever so often. Although, she isn't sure how they can as Ellie isn't anything special just like any Jackson citizen with the immunity to the virus...Just totally a casual citizen, your hand rubs over the other playing with small silver ring wrapped around her finger.

"I'm just going to get this out - Would you like to go on a date with me sometime soon? I thought about Friday this Friday as I know the store closes early." The bandaid swiftly ripped off, Ellie's eyes meet yours. You were slightly taller, but that was something she kind of liked about you apart from many other things such as your kindness, humour, confidence, selfless nature, etc. If she could Ellie could list it all and ramble lovingly about you as despite everything she has gained giant crush on you as dorky as it sounds it was the truth.

Biting on her lip, racing thoughts in her mind as you stand stunned by the sudden question and the giaenormous question of being asked out. Admittedly you had been waiting to either do it yourself or if there was a chance to allow Ellie to do it herself, though Ellie beat you to it and such relief washes over you having not to pretend you want to hold her hand, kiss her, amongst other things.

"Took you long enough- !" A nervous laugh escapes out during this, Ellie surprised and flustered look instantly glancing at the floor starting to realise how obvious it must of been for you as Ellie's nature wasn't so subtle or often things went over her head which is embarrassing as she has been flirted with without realising till its too late though thankful you were patient with this aspect of herself.

She feels her freckled cheeks becoming rosy and warm from the embarrassed blush covering her face, such an oblivious dork. "But, I would love to go on a date with you on Friday." That response made her smile widen across her face, both of your eyes meeting the others with gleeful glimmer going about your eye. "Great - Great then! I thought maybe we could watch a movie and I could make us something to eat for dinner. How does that sound?" Ellie didn't want to come off to strong so thought the idea of chilled out date would be the best idea for your first date.

That bright smile across your face said it all, clear eye contact with smaller masculine woman. Her heart was flying across the room in graceful yet merry fashion, but tries to seen cool and composed on the exterior. "Ellie that sounds wonderful, pick me up here at 6pm?" Which Ellie non-verbally agrees to that just before her bossy manager comes along stubborn and frustrated as usual Ellie unsure how you put up with his attitude. "I got to go, just know I'll meet you outside on Friday. Don't get in any trouble, okay?" You playfully tease, stepping away as Ellie stands there.

Excitement brewing inside of her, about to burst into fireworks as she grabs some soup cans merely a few and then buying then and carrying them in a bag as she headed out though not before spotting you once more and waves goodbye to you sweetly yet in awkward fashion just as she heads back out with a confidence boost in her step though hunched shoulders as she exited. What a date it will be, Ellie thrilled to see you on Friday.

[jammys-pkmn-irl-hub]

Welcome! You can call me "Jam" (he/him); I run a bunch of Pokémon IRL blogs and at this point accepted that I'm probably gonna make more! So to prevent the ever-growing list of blogs I have to add to pinned posts, I've now made a hub blog.

Aside from making a listn I'm probably gonna also like. Use this blog to talk about lore stuff that's hard to mention in-character? And maybe even post some off-screen fics that I didn't finish at the time I meant to post them. So consider giving this blog a follow if you. Actually like my work for some reason lmao.

I'm gonna categorize this so:

"Glass Moon" Characters

Most of my characters fall under the same universe that I call the "Glass Moon Lore", because I like to joke that their anime theme song would be the "Glass Moon Dance" by The Vanished People. All of these characters are tied to each other in one way or another, and even tied to characters written by other people! More on that in a different post

Those characters are:

- @profchamomile - Paldea's new regional professor! Looking into ways to make Pokémon care more accessible so trainers in disadvantaged situations may still make sure their pokemon's needs are being met! Will they live up to the expectations that come with replacing the professors that built a literal time machine? Or will their worst fears come to life when the ghosts of their deep dark past come back to haunt them- I mean what?

- @porygon-supremacy - A hacker who totally doesn't care about people, and a mother of four weird pokemon children. Tries her best to be secretive, but her porygons have other plans. If what you hear of her work life concerns you... Well, you might be onto something.

- @anomaly-sanctum - a pokemon sanctuary specializing in the kind of pokemon that other sanctuaries can't. Legendaries, ultra beasts, artificial, you name it. May or may not be run by a former terrorist

- @kidresearcherindigo - Just a normal student of Naranja-Uva academy who loves their friends and family and expresses that in making them laugh! Sure they figured refer to their family as their "pack" and that family largely consists of zoroarks. Sure they may or may not have been to Area Zero. Sure they may or may not have saved the world from team plasma back when they lived in Unova. But they're TOTALLY normal and NOT traumatized!

- @bright-sun-porygon - One of porygon-supremacy's weird pokemon children; a happy-go-lucky porygon2 who wants nothing more than to put a smile on the face of everyone they meet! Their ultimate goals are to bring their loved ones together, get the human learning experience by becoming a student at naranja-uva, and becoming your friend!

Individual Lore Blogs

- @paradox-destroyer - what would happen if Arven couldn't save Mabosstiff? You get an edgy, troubled teenager forced to help a giant lizard get their powers back!

- @area-zero-era-navigator - another Arven blog, but this time he's an AI! Watch as he struggles to navigate human emotion as he's forced to process some of the most difficult emotions of all, such as grief, fear, love, among others

- @witheredcosmos no one special, really. Just a galarian man suffering from an unfortunate position. Certainly has no affiliation Former Chairman Rose or anything... Nevermind the fact that his blog was made a day after the former Chairman's death was announced.

That's it for now; more will be added, I'm sure because when I get an idea it holds me hostage for several nights

My activity tends to fluctuate a lot depending on which plot I'm most hyperfixated with. But interaction is always welcome on any one of them; even if I haven't posted on that blog in a while.

Also follows are from @jammerman64 but shhhhhhhhh don't tell my mutuals on main (/lh)

Feel free to send asks about my characters too if you're curious about anything!

[samueldays]

A friend recommended Deadworld Isekai to me the other day. To damn it with faint praise: it was good enough that I finished reading all three volumes, and the author has a solid grasp of spelling and grammar.

It has the usual LitRPG problem of re-reifying abstractions to produce weird round-trip-translation nonsense that has become the heart of the LitRPG genre, one of the most finely polished turds in the world.

The thing that stood out to me as the most 'fixable' problem, though, was the fake suspense and the fake threat. Oh no, the protagonist is in over his head, however will he survive? Oh no, the protagonist is on the verge of death, what asspull deus ex machina is going to save him now?

The cast is too small and the premise too specialized for there to be a serious threat of replacing Matt as protagonist, and once you've introduced CRPG Healing you can't threaten injury short of death, so I roll my eyes at every new danger, confident he'll be perfectly fine (and powered up!) a chapter later.

I want to contrast this with Lord of the Rings, which looms over the wider fantasy genre so much that it gets taken for granted, and I sometimes see people thinking of it in terms of the popular cliches that were copied the most. But I feel it's pretty good about threatening Frodo, and that's less copied.

At some point in The Return of the King, the reader has seen Gandalf die and Boromir die and the Fellowship broken, and then parts of the Fellowship met new cool people, and then those cool people started dying too, with Theoden bravely dead on the battlefield and Denethor horribly dead in attempted murder-suicide.

It starts to look like Frodo might die, IMO, it's genuinely plausible that Tolkien will kill off another major character at this point. The deaths are mounting, Frodo's psyche is fraying, and the savvy reader sees Sam is right there to take over if Frodo dies. The main protagonist will probably still survive because that's how stories go, but it's not all that obvious.

It looks like death when Frodo is stung by giant spider and carried off by orcs, but it's much less of a deus ex machina to hear that the spider was using paralytic venom to save a meal for later. Frodo isn't getting a sudden powerup or new ally, it's just a spider being a spider.

With no magic healing, several magic items lost, and Frodo increasingly traumatized, the quest gets closer to Mount Doom. Here Frodo puts on the Ring, which is not how these stories normally go! No heroic last-minute surge of willpower. Frodo is sick and tired, looks at the Ring of Power, and decides that in fact, he would like Power for himself.

Gollum bites Frodo's finger off, falls into the lava, and the Ring is destroyed nonetheless. Tolkien again makes it look like Frodo might really die in the resulting volcanic eruption, now that his importance to the story is over and the Ring is destroyed and the rest looks like cleanup from the army marching on Mordor in the other plot thread.

But the book isn't over yet. If you're reading Lord of the Rings in print, you can feel there's another hundred pages left to go at this point. Frodo is saved, Aragorn is crowned, our heroes are victorious, there's celebrations and marriages and vacations and songs.

Then Frodo heads home at long, long last and finds Saruman got there first and started polluting the Shire.

The last surprise is that Saruman dies really fast. The rest of the book is appendices. What, you expected a hundred pages of Frodo fighting the Shire Wizard War? Nope, we're done here! Also Frodo has to leave, Sam takes over at the very last. It's a good series of plot twists, without being a plot swerve.

[stannyramirez]

𝓑𝓐𝓡𝓑𝓘𝓔 sentence starters part 𝟏/?

Since the beginning of time, since the first little girl existed, there have been dolls.

Yes, Barbie changed everything.

All of these women are Barbie, and Barbie is all of these women.

She might have started out as just a lady in a bathing suit, but she became so much more.

She has her own money, her own house, her own car, her own career.

Because Barbie can be anything, women can be anything.

Girls grow into women who can achieve everything and anything they set their mind to.

Thanks to Barbie, all problems of feminism and equal rights have been solved.

At least, that’s what the Barbies think.

Who am I to burst their bubble?

She was discontinued by Mattel because a pregnant doll is just too weird.

Barbie has another big day ahead of her.

Turn to the Barbie next to you, tell her how much you love her! Compliment her!

How come you’re so amazing?

No comment! *laughter* No, seriously, no comment.

I worked very hard, so... I deserve it.

This makes me emotional, and I’m expressing it.

I have no difficulty holding both logic and feeling at the same time. And it does not diminish my powers. It expands them.

Yay! Space!

Barbie has a great day every day, but Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him. I got us both ice creams! Hey, Barbie! Check me out!

Oh, hey, Barbie. How much of that did you see?

We saw the whole thing.

Let’s get you up on your feet.

You are so strong.

Ah, looks like this beach was a little too much beach for you.

If I wasn’t severely injured, I would beach you off right now.

I’ll beach off with you any day.

Hold my ice cream.

Alright, Ken, you’re on. Let’s beach off.

Anyone who wants to beach him off has to beach me off first.

I will beach both of you off at the same time.

But you don’t even know how to beach yourself off, how are you going to beach both of us off? That doesn’t make sense.

Nobody’s gonna beach anyone off!

Barbie, hold my hand!

Stay with me, Barbie!

Shredding waves is much more dangerous than people realize.

You’re very brave, Ken.

You know, surfer’s not even my job. And it is not lifeguard, which is a common misconception.

It is actually my job... it’s just beach.

And what a good job you do at beach.

Hey Barbie, can I come to your house tonight?

I don’t have anything big planned. Just a giant blowout party with all the Barbies and planned choreography and a bespoke song. You should stop by!

So cool.

Bet you can’t do a flip like that, Ken.

Gosh, this night is just perfect! You look so beautiful, Barbie!

Thanks, I feel so beautiful! This is the best day ever!

It is the best day ever. And so was yesterday, and so is tomorrow, and so is the day after tomorrow, and even Wednesday, and every day from now until forever!

Do you guys ever think about dying?

I don’t know why I just said that.

I’m just dying to dance.

You can go now.

I thought I might stay over tonight.

Oh, but, I don’t want you here.

This is my dreamhouse. It’s Barbie’s dreamhouse. It’s not Ken’s dreamhouse, right?

Oh, ah-ha-ha, right as always.

Hurry up, the president’s here!

Every night is girls’ night.

Good night, Barbies! I’m definitely not thinking about death anymore!

Ooh, girl, you okay?

Barbie doesn’t get embarrassed!

I don’t even have context for this, but... my feet, my heels are on the ground.

I’m no longer on tip-toes.

I know I’m Stereotypical Barbie and therefore don’t form conjectures concerning the causality of adjacent unfolding events, but some things have been happening that might be related.

*Gasp* You’re malfunctioning!

What? No! I’m just... I’m -- am I?

I’ve never seen this kind of malfunction before, it’s usually just hair related.

You know, you’re gonna have to visit Weird Barbie.

I have never had to visit Weird Barbie.

That’s because you’ve never malfunctioned.

I heard that she used to be the most beautiful Barbie of all, but then someone played with her too hard in the real world.

And now she’s fated to an eternity of making other Barbies perfect while falling more and more into disrepair herself.

That and we all call her Weird Barbie both behind her back and also to her face.

She’s so weird! Why is she always in the splits?

Hey. What’s cookin’ good lookin’?

Welcome. Welcome to my weird house.

Sorry about the dog crap. What can I do ya for?

I just had to come see you about my feet.

You’re Stereotypical Barbie, right?

That Ken of yours, he is one nice looking little protein pop.

I’d like to see what kind of nude blob he’s packing under those jeans.

A really fun game of volleyball... thoughts of death.

Maybe some thoughts of death?

I’ve heard of this. Of course, I didn’t think it was possible, but it’s real.

Ah! You’ve done it! You’ve opened a portal.

I didn’t open a portal!

If you wanna be Stereotypical Barbie perfect again, baby girl, you gotta go fix it, or you’re gonna keep going funny.

And then you’re gonna get sad and mushy and complicated.

You have to go to the real world, and you have to find the girl who’s playing with you.

We’re all being played with, babe.

There’s the girl and the doll, and never the twain shall cross.

The twain is crossing?

Her thoughts and feelings and humanness are interfering with your dollness.

Why would she be sad? We fixed everything so that all women in the real world can be happy and powerful.

I don’t know, but if you ask me, you had something to do with this, too.

It takes two to rip a portal.

I’ve only ever wanted for everything to stay exactly as it is.

Well be that as it may, the two of you are becoming inextricably intertwined. And you gotta help her to help yourself.

So, what’ll it be, then? You can go back to your real life and forget any of this ever happened, or you can know the truth about the universe. The choice is now yours.

Mm, babe, listen, you have to want to know.

I’m not Adventure Barbie, I’m Stereotypical Barbie. I’m like the Barbie you think of when someone says think of a Barbie. That’s me!

You’re a bummer. That’s a bummer.

Okay. I’m ready to forget now.

No! You’re doing this one. I just gave you a choice so you would feel some sense of control.

So, there is no option one?

You have to fix the rip yourself. Don’t blame me, blame Mattel. They make the rules.

Fine, get cellulite, I don’t care.

Weird, I know. Best if you don’t think about it too much.

If you do not find her and fix things, what’s ugly will become uglier and what’s weird will become weirder.

I guess she’s going without you.

She literally asked me, and I was like, ‘I’d prefer to stay here’.

I bet you’re scared. And I bet she doesn’t even want you to go.

Well you bet both those things incorrectly, and I bet in the opposite direction.

I just don’t wanna leave! I’m trying to find reasons not to leave!

I’ll be back in no time with perfect feet, and we’ll forget that this ever happened!

You’ll get to see all the good work we’ve done to fix the world!

I bet every woman will say ‘thank you’ and give you a really big hug.

Bye, Barbie! Good luck in reality.

Please get out.

I can’t. I made a double bet with Ken, and you can’t make me look uncool in front of Ken.

Barbie... what if there’s beach? You’ll need someone who’s a professional in that.

And so Barbie and Ken set off on their adventure to the Real World.

[tyranasauruslex]

do you think rome has ever made a mixtape songs for lukas when he gets bored?

Roman takings tips from those early 2000's Cosmo "How To Impress Your Man" lists. I actually see Lukas as the mixtape guru - he'd make Roman his own Spotify playlist.

Bored Roman would wander around the house and send Lukas multiple voice notes about the stuff he finds:

"What's this green stuff in your fridge? It looks gross. Eww... it tastes like grass. Why are you eating grass? There's nothing normal in your fridge by the way... even your bread is weird. What is Limpa? Ohh ok that actually tastes nice... Eww pickled fish. Your country is weird. I ate all your bread by the way."

"Your mom called so I told her you abandoned me to work... she's gonna send me baby Lukas pictures via email. I might put them on insta... I haven't decided yet... Oh my god you look like a baby giant... Your poor mom having to shove you out of her vagina. Ok you're actually kind of cute for a baby giant with your little knitted hat on... Aww baby Lukas at the zoo... ha, that giraffe must be related to you. All my baby pictures are with the nanny... or with Shiv looking like a bald egg. Thats depressing."

"We should go to that new Italian on the upper East side... I called and they said they'd do plain pasta for you... only if you want to though. You probably have boring work stuff to do or Tom will want to take you to show off. I can just go with Shiv and listen to her complain about how the baby ripped apart her vagina for the millionth time. Having a baby sounds gross but at least Lilly is cute... and small, not a baby giant like you were. I'll just take Lilly to the Italian. Babies can eat pasta, right?"

"Just so you know I've taken one of your sweaters cus I can't work out the heating system. Why are your arms so long? Like, how to you even operate them? Ohh this kinda cosy... you'll have to buy another one because I'm keeping this one. I'm in your closet by the way and it's giving serial killer. Nobody is that organised. Or neat. I bet if you decided to murder me this is where you'd hide my body. Or you'd stitch me up inside a bear carcass. Ohh cool... you have the shirt I wore when I first stayed over. You're such a dork. But in, like, a cool way and FUCK! Don't worry I'm not dead, I just tripped over one of your massive shoes. Is that how you came to the US? Via shoe-boat? You know, cus your Mister Viking and stuff... Ok, so I have a question... Are your stupidly big feet an indication of how big other stuff is? Cus it kind of feels that way when you cuddle me but... actually forget I asked that. I'm just gonna delete this..."

"You're asleep when I'm sending you this but I think you need to know how much you look like a dead body when you sleep. Here... I'm sending you photographic evidence... Why don't you make any noise? Like at all? You keep telling me I say a bunch of random shit in my sleep and... oh you moved. I'm gonna whisper from now on... Wait, what if you're actually dead? I'd get the blame and end up in fucking prison being molested by the guards. I can't go to prison so I'd have to dismember you in the bathroom or something. Also thank you for not being mean about the whole dick to shoe ratio... and for the drawing. Cus you know i've never really... well, anyway it makes it less scary even if you can't draw for shit. I'm just going to pet your hair for a bit cus I know you like that... Oh fuck I woke you up!"